Dear Lover... with Amy Reid

01: The Story

July 04, 2024 • Amy Reid • Episode 1

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Welcome to the first episode of Dear Lover...!

In this episode I share my heart-led journey of embodying deeper self-love and authenticity amongst the challenges of life. From deciding to teach abroad at the age of 26 to living in Thailand, Hong Kong, Spain and now taking the biggest leap of faith ever to Costa Rica! My journey has been filled with emotional resilience, travel, intimate relationships, sensual awakening and creative empowerment. 

Tune in to be inspired!

What we discuss: 

00:00 Journey of Self-Love and Authenticity

00:14 Adapting to New Environments and Self-Discovery

00:22 Navigating Career Changes and Personal Growth

00:36 Diving into the Unknown and Teaching Abroad 

00:55 Exploring Self-Love and Sensuality

01:11 Reclaiming my True Self Through Intuition and Growth

Connect on Instagram and tag: @amyreidpoetry https://www.instagram.com/amyreidpoetry/

With Love and Gratitude always,

Amy

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Dear Lover, a community to dive deep into the unknown and be our own devoted lover in the process. My name's Amy and I'm here to get raw, unscripted and unapologetic and share in my own journey of unlocking my full potential and awakening into my truth through deep self-love, essential embodiment and creative empowerment. Self-love, sensual embodiment and creative empowerment All with the intention to guide others to come home to their heart, embody their true power and lead with love, compassion, play and joy. So let's trust, breathe and believe and create magic together. Hello and welcome to the first episode of Dear Lover.

Speaker 1:

This is a particular special episode because it's the first episode, but also it's where I'm going to share with you my story and I will do my best to keep it concise, but this episode will probably be longer than the future episodes. I intend future episodes to be about 15-20 minutes maximum, but I can envision in this episode being a bit longer than that because, if you're tuning in, the intention with this whole podcast is to connect, to be real, to offer those real and raw conversations, intimate conversations, and share the lessons I'm going to be sharing, sharing with you the lessons that I have learned from the past 33 years around the sun and I'm still learning. We're on this journey together. This podcast is very much. Come with me on this journey together. I certainly don't have it all figured out. I'm always learning in the process and, yeah, it's, it's a journey, right, like you said in the introduction, it's just we're diving deep into the unknown. And, gosh, I have been doing that a lot, especially especially in the last 10 years of my life, as you're here, I've moved, I've lived and moved multiple, multiple times, lived in multiple countries, had the privilege of doing that and I'm so grateful. And it's come with its challenges for sure, particularly relationships, particularly relationship with myself, and we're going to be diving deep, diving deep into the unknown together and being our own best lover in the process. Right, our most important relationship is the relationship to ourselves and the relationships, the quality of relationships, turn the quality of our lives. So first, let's start with ourselves and if you're a teacher, tune into this, particularly this podcast, although this podcast is, you know, is for anyone who's wanting to cultivate that deeper relationship with themselves love, sensuality, creative empowerment but particularly if you're a teacher, you may resonate with a lot of what I'm sharing, because I will be sharing a lot of my journey, the past 10 years has has been in teaching, teaching and living abroad, working internationally. So, particularly if you're a teacher, come and connect and even if you're not, come and connect.

Speaker 1:

I envision this podcast is to create a community. To create a community around here, around this podcast of, particularly a community of teachers, because we know how busy the teaching career can be, how challenging it can be and how how difficult it can be to to keep that relationship with ourselves like and also connect to ourselves sensually. You know and and and feel, feel sensual in our bodies. When you've been in a class of 30 kids all day, every day, it's, you know it's to cultivate. Let's come back to our bodies, come back to our sensuality when we're, when we're finished with our work day, and this is what we're here for. This is the intimate think of this podcast as an intimate conversation that you can turn on, maybe when you're in bed or just having that moment at home when you're just wanting to connect back to yourself, connect back to your body, connect back to your heart and take a breath. Take a breath, so let's take a breath together. I will do this a lot because I'm not editing these podcasts, so I will just take a pause every now and then to catch my own breath, so I invite you to do the same. Come along with me, let's breathe together. And yeah, I'll be sharing this journey, and sharing my journey like this has been a challenge for me. I really recommend sharing your story, writing down your story you don't necessarily have to share it but, honestly, the process of writing down the story, my story was powerful in itself and I highly recommend it.

Speaker 1:

I've been on a journey of sharing my story. This isn't the first podcast I've had. I've been on a journey of cancelling myself in fear of being misunderstood, but now I feel more embodied. I don't feel that doesn't mean I feel 100% comfortable doing this. I know that the action comes first and within the process of taking the action, of sharing vulnerably with you, sharing intimately, that that embodiment, that power, that true power to hold myself, will come through and be willing to be seen, heard and misunderstood as well. Right, and be willing to accept that I am going to be misunderstood. You are going to be misunderstood in sharing your true, authentic self. Be embodying your full power, being in your body, softening into your body. We are going to be misunderstood in this, but I would rather this I would rather embody my whole truth and be fully me in the short time that we have than not right? So are you with me? So, with that, let's dive in.

Speaker 1:

And at the end of the day, just as a side note, remember that the most important person to understand is the most important person that understands you is yourself. Right, we can have these beautiful, intimate relationships, yes, but ultimately, you are the only one that truly knows what you've been through. You are the only one that truly knows what you've experienced, what you felt, and that is valid. Let's start validating our own experiences, and this is what this episode, the essence of this episode, is about validation of our, of our experiences, and owning that, and only you as you. You know I'm going to share my story here, but I know that, as much as you know, you'll listen to it and it will be amazing to connect, and it's so powerful. I only know what I've been through, right, and how I felt, and that's the beauty, right, right, like, we all have our own unique experiences, but we, we can connect through the similar emotions that we feel, and that's what makes us human and that is what we're going to share together here. So, that said, let's dive right in um. So I'm actually going to start.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to start off with with my birth, because that is literally from birth, literally from that moment, because that was such a powerful was, has had impact, has impacted my, my life in the way, in every single way, and also my teaching career. I was born in London, I was born actually in London, I was raised in in Essex, but I was born in London. I was born actually in London, I was raised in Essex, but I was born in London. I was born three months premature and because of this I feel like I've always had this been, had this like really determined fighter kind of way about me, and I was born three months premature. I was born July 29th 1990.

Speaker 1:

Leo here, leo baby, I'm a Leo Scorpio, moon Scorpio rising. So I will come across. I come across, that means I come across very Scorpioness in me, very deep. I can kind of come across quite moody and maybe intimidating when you first meet me, but when you kind of get to know me, that Leo, energy comes out, that that joyful, that play, that that sun, that warmth comes out as well. So I've got a very interesting thing going on. I'm a if you're into human design side note, I'm a 5-1 spoon at projector and projectors out there hi, and yeah, 5-1 it's. Uh, I'm a. I love research and human design.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, I was born. I was born three months premature and the reason I mention this is is like this has given me so much gratitude for my life. Honestly, this is I, because I've worked with children as well who have also experienced complications at birth, like I did, and have not and have experienced severe disabilities from this, and I have not any long-term things anyway. So this is really bring me so much joy and gratitude for my life and also, as an adult now develop so much compassion for my parents, especially in the last few years of deepening my awareness and awakening and really developing compassion for what that experience must have been like for them. And, yeah, being born prematurely has played a pivotal role in the way that I experience life with with with so much joy and gratitude that we are a miracle. You are a miracle, I am. I truly, truly believe that and we get to live this life, and that is incredible.

Speaker 1:

Another intention for this podcast that I'm planning on at the moment is to set up a donation page to Bliss Bliss is a UK charity that supports premature babies and their families and to set up donations for this, because it's obviously something I feel so passionate about. And, yeah, I can only imagine I not I've. In my teaching career, I have, you know, I've seen how challenging it can be for families caring, looking after children with, with severe disabilities, and you know and for me to be have the experience as well to to be their teacher, but then also to have this incredible life and make these decisions I've made is I'm so grateful, I'm so grateful, so that's why I'm sharing that. The only thing moving on, the only thing that I I did have was I didn't start speaking until the age of three. It wasn't an issue, it was just that I needed, I needed motivation and it just reminded me that now, now I've learned to speak with more intention, lots of my learning in, especially in the past few years, as I've awakened my voice more, and that feminine energy is learning to speak with more intention and clarity. This is why I like poetry so much and speaking clearly and concisely, but this has also been one of my main challenges. If you listen to this and one of my friends, like you'll know that I've sent I'm I've sent 10 minute voice notes before and thank you so much for receiving them. But I've learned that the power of speaking concisely and speaking with intention and also this is what I have felt I found really fulfilling in my teaching career is I've helped children with autism, non-verbal children, with communication, and I've worked with speech and language therapists and delivered these classes called intention autism, which is all sensory based and about communication, and I found that so rewarding because that also encompasses using our body language, using gestures, using our senses to communicate. So I love communication, hence the podcast and poetry, writing and speaking clearly, and I'm so grateful I'm so grateful again that I can and I'm so grateful, I'm so grateful again that I can right. So, like I said, I was born in London but I was raised in Essex.

Speaker 1:

My experience of living abroad actually began at the age of seven. My parents decided to take me, my brother and my sister. My brother is one year older than me, my sister is four years younger and we actually moved out to Hong Kong at the age of seven. And this only now that I realized that this experience opened my eyes to the diverse nature of humans. Obviously, I didn't know it as the time I didn't, as a seven year old kid I was like, oh, I'm gonna be exposed to all these cultures and and, like you know, you don't consciously, you just take it in your stride as children. That's another kind of lesson that we can learn from going back to our inner child. Right is is acceptance of everything and everyone and taking everything in our stride and, you know, and feeling everything that comes up in that and, yeah, like that experience, now I I have, I have really great memories from from the time we spent in Hong Kong.

Speaker 1:

I was there, we were there from I was the age of seven to ten years old. I went to an international school in Hong Kong very expat area and yeah, I had friends like from all over the world and it was incredible. Like I said, it helped me. It was my first experience to adapt to different cultures and adapt to new situations and build new friendships, and I think we can underestimate children's ability to do that right. I know that my parents have said, like it was initially my dad's hesitation that we weren't going to go and you know, imagine, like because of the fear of, oh, I don't want to bring my kids out of school. You know, three young kids. How are they going to cope? Actually, the kids are going to. We're going to do great. What about you? You know, I think as adults we can tend to forget that how much kids are adaptable and to new situations and things. And yeah, I'm really grateful for that experience and exposure. I'll come back to that later on in the story, um, but yeah, because that also impacted one of my decisions in my teaching career.

Speaker 1:

So after so, 2000, 2000, when I was age 10, we moved back from Hong Kong and we moved to the countryside. We lived near Colchester. If you live near colchester, shout out to colchester. We lived in a small, small village near colchester, in the countryside. It was beautiful, spent from the age of 10 to 18 in a. They're living there and this is where I loved the walks in nature we had. We had lots of animals. We had dog, a rabbit of guinea pigs and, yeah, always been and spent a lot of time with horses.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, this is where again had to adapt, right, we came from a international school to a really traditional school, basically the countryside, and it was so different. I you know we went from. We didn't live in the city, we didn't live in Hong Kong island, but we lived, you know, in a. We lived on an island and, you know, had to get that from that to live in the countryside. And this is where, like I started to realize, hey, I like walking in nature, I love like the quietness of that, and also, as that I went to a middle school. So that's from.

Speaker 1:

A middle school is from the age of 9 to 13. I don't know if they're around in in England right now in around anymore, I'm not sure, but it was, like I said, it's a very traditional middle school and here it was challenging. I would say it was more challenging coming back from what I remember anyway, it was more challenging coming back from Hong Kong as a, as that front at that age than it was going. And also I mean that age right from the age of 10 to 18, puberty, teenage years. Of course it's going to be more challenging, but I really I was the wicked, we were, me and my sister.

Speaker 1:

We were like the weird kid from Hong Kong I used to, we used, I used to eat, um, dried noodles instead of walkers, walkers, crisps. I used to eat dried noodles for snack and quickly realize that that wasn't the cool thing to do. So we quickly changed to walkers, crisps, but um, yeah, I you know that experience, like it went through the whole of trying to fit in, feeling bad, feeling like the weird kid saying the wrong thing. Again, communication came up for me a lot, you know, saying like we had. We came back with a bit of an American tinge in our accent, as you do as an international school kid, and yeah, just like some of the words that we said were, you know, got commented on by friends and and and also, just you know, like we as that age, like you don't know, you're not in on the thing of, of, uh, who's what? What's the popular thing to listen to? What's the popular thing to watch? What's everyone watching and what's everyone listening to? The only thing that we kind of were ahead on was Pokemon cards, because we were playing with Pokemon cards years before everyone. Pokemon cards came a thing in in, uh, in England, but yeah, really went through the stage of feeling weird and trying to fit in and not succeeding in that and eventually, as I got to, it was only until I, I think the age of 16.

Speaker 1:

It wasn't until sixth form, the age of 16 to 18, that I started to accept myself more and express myself more authentically and just kind of. And also it was that age where I was a bit younger than that age, about 14 I met my best friend, who's still my best friend now and, you know, being friends with her, she helped me to just kind of accept, like, just do your own thing, amy, doesn't matter what other people think. Like, do your own thing, and that's why we're still best friends. Now, you know, like we have completely different lives right now and she's, she's got she's, you know, she's got a family with kids and a partner, and I am, like, have got all of my, all of my belongings. Right now I'm sitting on her, sitting in her room, recording this podcast all night, all of my belongings with me, technically homeless, in transition to move to another country. You know we've had these completely different lives, but we've because we've connected so deeply at that age, you know, and that age of like hey, like just that age of when you're, you know, you know coming, figuring out who you are, and and still now, you know still doing that now. But you're at a tender age, right, we met, we became friends really when we were like 14 years old.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, and it was then that I really started to express myself more and and because I was trying to get into like the popular kids at school, the popular girls and and I did spend a, you know, I did get into that group a little bit at school, but I soon took myself out of that group when I found it very boring and didn't understand why they spent every lunchtime in the, in the mirror in the bathroom putting on makeup, doing their hair and then criticizing themselves and telling themselves how bad they looked or and all of this stuff and how. And I was like I, I don't understand what's going on here. I, I want to go out, I want to go out and play on the field in the sunshine and I'm not really fussed about my makeup and my hair, I just want to go and have fun and run around. So that was when I met my bestie and she, you know, and I we just hung around together, we did our own thing and eventually just, you know, kind of attracted other other friends who were kind of the oddballs. We were kind of the oddballs out the oddballs, yeah, in um in that in that time in school.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, this age here, from the age of 16 to 18, is when I began to truly began to listen to my intuition, my intuition, I'm very intuitively guided. My intuition is very, very deep now it's very strong and I do believe it's because I've began listening to it from a very from a young age, from, yeah, from the age of 16. And yeah, like I mean at that age, right, you're choosing what you're studying, I for my a level. So from the age of 16, I chose English language, psychology and physical education and I was in my element. I mean now, like physical education, movement, body, english language, poetry, psychology, love, you know the coaching and everything personal development. I'm into now, like those three things are me in my element. And yeah, and I followed that kind of when I at university I studied psychology.

Speaker 1:

I went to study psychology but I initially went to university to study sport, science and sociology and, talking about trusting my intuition, I did this course for one year. I did the fresh, you know, first year at university and decided after nearly, you know, march of that year, deep into academic year, to change my degree, to change my degree to psychology. And everyone was telling me don't do that, finish the academic year at least. You know, I was like no, no, I'm gonna leave. So I left, I left university. I left university of March of my first academic year and then came back and restarted my psychology course in September of that year and that was very intuitive, based decision. It didn't make sense and but I knew what I was doing and it was the best time. It was the best time it was.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I loved my degree. I I loved the research side of it. I got first in my research dissertation project. I just loved everything about it and I loved studying, particularly about individual traits, personality traits, empathy and like the kind of darker side, the Scorpio side coming out of me right now, the darker side of of, um, of psychology, you know. But also saying that like, like, what I mean by that is like I studied. My dissertation was on Machiavellianism and, um and uh, psychopaths and empathy traits. Having said that, I also loved positive psychology within all of this time at university.

Speaker 1:

This was the time when I started to really let Amy out and also explore my sexuality and I went. I did that. That's what I did at university. I don't believe I'm gonna say this, but at university. I had a Amy's snog list in my flats at university and it was just a tally of you know. Every time I went out I used to go around and and hug and kiss a lot of people. So, yeah, I just kind of let out, I liberated Amy and explored there and you know, yeah, and it was good fun. I really did enjoy university and just the whole. I love studying, I love learning, I love psychology, I loved living with my friends and, yeah, and the independence of that all so, so, yeah. So then that was 2012, 2012.

Speaker 1:

I graduated because I spent four years at university and I initially got a job down in London as a trainee recruiter in in the IT sector. Doesn't really make sense, right. What I was thinking as a young 21 year old. All I was thinking about that stage was money. I was like, okay, I'm in lots of debt, I have a massive overdraft. What job can I get good money in recruitment? Let's go there. So I did.

Speaker 1:

I actually got a job in West London. It was really nice and as a training recruitment consultant at this really great company in in aviation, and I thought I was, you know, at that age I mean, I loved, I loved everything about it except the job. I loved getting on the tube. I loved wearing a nice business dress. I loved my heels. I loved I loved lunch time and walking down around the parks. I didn't love the job was right in the deep end, didn't know for a clue what I was doing. When the phone rang, I looked at it and thought, oh no, like I have to pick up the phone, I didn't really understand what they were saying. Anyway, we can say that job was not for me. So I this is when I learned in again to that voice, to that subtle inner voice, and decided to go into teaching. I've previous. My previous experience in teaching in that time was I spent I just spent two weeks of of um of my work experience in a classroom when I was 14. And yeah, and you know, I enjoyed it. And so it was October that's October 2012, so the school year had already started.

Speaker 1:

I left my job, not having anything set up again. A leap of faith, a leap into the unknown, and I just trusted myself. Trusted myself because I couldn't go on. You know it was tough. I mean, I moved down to London with my boyfriend at the time and we were living in a small studio apartment in Leighton, which was amazing, like. By the way, that time in London 2012 was absolutely incredible. We were living in Leighton, um, we moved in when the Olympic torch came down the road. It was incredible. I was actually I volunteered at the London Olympic Games as well as a games maker last my like a wayfinder, I think it was called. I was one of those people that had a pink finger on helping people to direct people. I was based at Wimbledon because I love tennis. I love tennis and I was living. It was great. It was the energy of London. It's I've. It was just amazing, like I've never experienced London like that ever and, yeah, again such an amazing experience to have.

Speaker 1:

However, day-to-day life was challenging. Both me and my partner were transitioning from you know, university life to, quote-unquote, adult life and I was struggling. I mean, he was, he was as well, but I think my emotions were just. I didn't know at this point in my life, I didn't know how to, how to process my emotions. I don't. I don't know what I know now I I was on the floor crying on our studio apartment like I need to change this, and so I did. I did and because you know, like I thought, when it's affecting you, your mental, emotional, physical health and your relationship, it's time for a change, right?

Speaker 1:

So yeah, october 2012, I eventually got a job as a special needs teaching system, supporting two boys one and one, one in the morning, one in the afternoon at a beautiful nursery in Canning Town in London. And that, honestly, that was when my passion for supporting children with special needs, particularly autism and the sensory challenges and processing and their social emotional learning, and particularly at that young age, at the age of three, was my inspiration for the rest of my career. I'm actually a beautiful thing is I'm actually still in touch with this boy's mom. This boy is now 14 years old and shout out to to the mom if you're listening, and yeah, like it's just so honestly, this, this was such an inspiration. I knew that this was the route of teaching I wanted to go down and yeah, like I said, like helping with the social, emotional and sensory based learning was was where my passion lies, and realized I was good at it as well. You know I have, I have so much patience for these kids you've got to. I'm cultivating that patience with myself always, but yeah, in that year.

Speaker 1:

During that year, I knew I always had a dream of living and teaching abroad and but I was in a bit of a. It was difficult because at this point I had a long-term relationship. I, you know, I um yeah, by the way, before this, I trained to be a teacher at the University of Stratford, university of East London in Stratford, and, yeah, this was, yeah, rewind a bit there, rewind a bit. I trained as a teacher in, yeah, the United States, london 2013 and and again had one of my placements at special needs school and learned so much and again realized like this is the path where I want to go down.

Speaker 1:

And this is when my first year of teaching, my first, that NQT year if you're in, if you're in England, you have to do like a first year of teaching is is NQT year and you are like, assessed a lot. And, yeah, you have to. You have to get used to being assessed a lot, being, yeah, being assessed, being just adapting to managing a class of 30 children, and that was the blessing as well. My first year class. I always remember more experienced teachers telling me Amy, if you can get through your first year of teaching, you can get through anything, and it. They say like, oh, it doesn't help at the time, but it does believe me, like it's true. It's true because I got through that year. I believe I can do anything like nothing was more challenging than that year.

Speaker 1:

This was when I actually um, in February 2014 no, 2015, february 2015 I actually got signed off from work and got a diagnosis of depression and anxiety. Now, now I know that these this was due to suppressed emotion, like I was just not able to process my emotions and didn't know what to do with them and I was completely exhausted. My body was physically exhausted and burnt out and stressed in the survival mode. And yeah, and from that and that first year of teaching, it was beautiful because the kids I had were were very creative, were very creative class and you know they I supported them with. We had to do like a drama play and we won it at the school and you know they, really, all the way through my teaching career, every class I've had, the students have inspired me back to my creativity, which is interesting right here we are podcast poetry and yeah, and it was that in my that was the first year teaching.

Speaker 1:

Second year of teaching, I taught in a special needs school, that same school that I had my work experience in, and it was a wonderful school. I learned so much. I worked with speech and language therapists. I worked with occupational therapists. It was so. It was all. It was so challenging as well. It was so rewarding, yet so challenging.

Speaker 1:

And I remember the moment I decided to go and live and teach abroad and follow my dream was when I was in a training. It was the end of the week, we just spent a week training, and part of that the end of the week training was that, um, one of the parents the parents got up and shared their story of what it's like to take care of a child with profound needs and she was crying and she said you know, one of the reasons that he had these needs, had these disabilities, that he did was because of his birth, because he was born prematurely. And she was crying and it just hit me emotionally. I started crying in the back of the room and I just it was such a big and intuitive hit of going go and teach abroad. You again coming back to the birth story, right, you get to live this life. You are lucky to be here. Go and live your life. You've got one life. You know it's a privilege that I get to sit here as a teacher, be as their teacher and and have this life. So I did there's a pattern here decided and I did when this was deeply into the unknown, because this was June 2016 I it was May to, yeah, may 2016 I decided, I made that decision and I decided to go with a company called Teflheaven to go and teach English actually just as a bit of a change in Thailand.

Speaker 1:

It was challenging because I was also leaving a long-term relationship and this man was my rock. He was my best friend. He was my rock. He supported me so much, especially through I don't know if I would be sitting here if it wasn't for him. So you know, I'm so grateful for him and that support that he gave and it was, although I decided to leave, and I decided to, to, yeah, leave and follow that it was still. It was heartbreaking. The grief and the heartbreak actually didn't hit me until months later, until I was actually abroad. I went to Vietnam for a month to visit my sister and it was only then that the grief from that relationship, the heartbreak from that relationship, hit me. It was, it was challenging, but I don't regret it. I don't regret it and it was because of that decision.

Speaker 1:

You know, we've both gone on. We've both gone on and and living the lives that we that's true to us, right, like that's the thing, it's so easy to stay in what's good, because it was a good relationship. It was a good relationship, it was a good. We had a great. You know, we lived in Greenwich in London. It was wonderful area. I love Greenwich. We had a great job, great friends, great this, great this, good this, good, this, this. It was all good, but there was something in me, something more, something going for, that subtle voice, right, that subtle voice in me saying go, you need to do this, go. So it did. Anyway, let's just fast forward a bit here to take a breath. Thank you for being here with me.

Speaker 1:

And in this time, 2016, I've lived in Thailand. In Thailand, I learned that I've been very humbled in Thailand. I feel like I was very humbled living in Thailand and, without going into all the details, otherwise this will be like a two hour long episode I learned the importance of trust and honesty in friendships really trust and honesty and yeah, trust and honesty in friendships and and enjoying the simple things in life right With those really honest, genuine friendships. 2018, 2020, I decided to go and live in Hong Kong, go back to Hong Kong, and this was such a great experience. It was the most challenging experience. This is the thing I learned in Hong Kong that it's our greatest challenges that will help us to grow stronger and more resilient.

Speaker 1:

This is the place where I fell in love again and I got my heart broken, but I also learned about letting go of codependency codependency, emotional responsibility. I learned about not relying on someone else on the outside to make me happy, because that's what I did with this previous partner and again, the stress and anxiety around my work all caught up with me. This is where I got a second diagnosis of depression and anxiety. You know I could blame it on the job. It wasn't the job. Though I work. The work environment was a factor, yeah, but it wasn't the job. It was me. This was when I really faced had to face me and feel through all the fear and realize I was the one that I was looking for. I need. This was a time in my life that I needed to start loving me and feel all my emotions and stop suppressing them.

Speaker 1:

So we were on holiday january 2020 with my partner at the time, with this boyfriend and his couple of his friends, didn't go well, ended with arguments and just chaos. He broke up with me and then we get a call to go back to hong kong because that, because there's this virus in china, that's that's getting big and we all need to go back to Hong Kong right now, as we know, it's COVID, right. And then from January to to June, honestly, it was I just going through a breakup. You know, in I, you know in we were working from home. Actually, this was a relief for me working online. It was still very intense time, for sure, work-wise, but it was quite a relief because obviously it got to. You know, I used to, luckily, in Hong Kong. There at that time, we were still actually allowed to go out of the flat um, out of our homes. So I went running in the morning and things, so that actually did help me.

Speaker 1:

But apart from that, I was the most lost, most confused I'd ever felt in my life. And yeah, I was. I felt broken. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt like like what's wrong, like I don't know what I'm doing wrong. That's the thought pattern that kept coming up for me. Like I, I followed my dream. I'm living and teaching abroad, I'm having all these amazing, incredible experiences. I'm, you know, I've got these good friends and I've got this. You know, I had this relationship that's now blown up and I was like I wait, I I'm still not happy. What, what, what, what am I missing? What's going on here? I don't know. Like I had, no, you know, I, at this point, I hadn't been introduced, and, you know, been introduced to coaching or any kind of personal development.

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At this point, I, I did meditate, I did have like a meditation practice. You know, I did. I was aware of the, the kind of head, what I call like the head based thing, like meditation and yoga, and and thing, like you know, I wasn't in my body. I was still kind of trying to quote unquote work on myself I don't like this phrase, but from my mind, from my head, and I was like I don't know what else to do, like I feel, I don't feel, you know, I felt I it was just awful.

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It was a really, I was really challenging time, however, when I just accepted and surrendered to. You know what. This is where I am, don't know the next step I need. I know that I want to get out of Hong Kong. I feel like it's not the environment long term where I want to be, but I didn't know how right the world was shut down. And this is when I really.

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This is when I turned to Reiki and sound healing and this, for me, was very powerful, very energetically. As you know, if you've done sound healing and Reiki, you'll know I actually got my level one Reiki certification in this time as well and, honestly, that was a blessing, it was a relief. And this is when I started to tune in slowly to energy, to the energy of my body and just to energy in general. And but I realized how energetically drained I was. So, and I started applying for jobs in Europe all over. I put out a message on Facebook. Anyway, long story short, I ended up getting a job offer from a new school opening up, a Montessori school opening up in Barcelona. I thought, hey, sure, let's go to Barcelona. Of course, montessori it's an alternative provision.

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And eventually, as we know, I it was a miracle that I managed to move across the world, from Hong Kong to Spain in the middle of a pandemic. I moved with a stopover. I had to spend two weeks in London because the flight got cancelled, um, on the way from Hong Kong to Madrid, from Istanbul, and just it just got cancelled. So I, it was a miracle I did arrive in Spain July 2020, in the middle of the pandemic, and, and I was so, honestly, I can tell you I was so happy. I mean, again, it was this kind of a surface level happiness. Still, it was like head happiness, head happiness, I called it, but I was so relieved. You know, I was starting this new job.

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Um, didn't really know how I felt about it because it also came with a big, long commitment, um, to train as a Montessori guide, and but anyway, I was just grateful to be there and I spent my 30th birthday alone, like in this new flat I just moved, in this beautiful area of Barcelona, and with a glass of wine and just thinking like this is not at all how I envisioned my 30th birthday, you know, not at all. Like still getting over a massive heartbreak, completely single, um, you know, in debt, money, wise, alone, drinking my wine, not having any friends around me not how I envisioned my 30th birthday. However, inside at least, you know, to my level of awareness. At that time I felt happy because I was grateful to be here and I honestly think I attracted that, manifested, that job opportunity to me from the energetic, from all the sound healing and the reiki that I began to do in Hong Kong. And, yeah, so, the Montessori school in Spain this is where I learned a completely alternative way of teaching and it opened my eyes. Honestly. If you've been in the Montessori, you know, had experience in Montessori. It's, it's incredible. Children are natural learners and if we give space to help them follow their curiosity, their joy, they are engaged, they are confident. We had we'd had to tell them to go home at 4 pm, right, and they were so engaged in their learning. We spent time helping them to help themselves resolve these conflicts, these with their friends. You know all the social and emotional learning was a priority as well and it was a lot about responsibility and respect. So again, really great school, really great.

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You know, I was living in my in a studio apartment by the beach. I moved. I moved to this apartment in by the beach because I wanted to buy by the beach and everything was on the surface level was good, but inside I could feel my body screaming. My body was screaming still of hey, pay attention to me, and I try to push it down. I try to push it down. What happens when you do that? You experience panic attacks. I started to experience these panic attacks and not be able to breathe and and this deep anxiety and I remember it very vividly. I think it was. It was like February 2021.

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I was lying on the floor in my studio apartment, you know, by by the beach in Barcelona letter and just crying. I'm like Amy, if you're not happy now, you know like you've got a great job. There was no kind of. It was completely different from a setup in Hong Kong. It was intense because we were opening up a new school, but in terms of like pressure from management, it it wasn't. We didn't have that. They were very the.

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The good thing about that job was we were given responsibility and trust as teachers and if you're, as a teacher, like, that's what you want, right? Um, okay, I've got, I've got this and I've got this and I'm so grateful and but yet my body is going into this shutdown mode and I couldn't breathe. I was doing my meditation. Every time I sat down and meditate made it worse. So this is why, with meditation even though I then, you know, did start a meditation community I always want to make the point that meditation is a tool. It's and it's not, you know. And meditation, really life is our meditation, life is our meditation. You know, I do still like to sit down. I meditate every day to sit down, I meditate every day, but I also make a priority to connect, to connect with my body, to be embodied. That's when we're truly connecting. That embodiment is what makes the difference. Anyway, crying on in my studio apartment, I had enough and and I was like, if not this, then what, if not this, then what? This is.

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When I hired my own life coach, I initially made contact with him a few months before this time, in November, we met and you know, I just wasn't in there. I was still when I first moved to Barcelona. I was still just not willing to accept how I internally was feeling. I was bringing myself out on dates. You know, I was trying to like get over this heartbreak, and not just not just like heartbreak and and things, but this feeling of not feeling good in my body through sex, basically through through sex. And you know, you know what? I'm gonna go out on dates with these wonderful Latino Americans and and eat delicious food and have sex, and that's gonna make me feel better. Well, it didn't. For a short amount of time it did, yes, but long term it didn't, of course, and yeah, so this is when, february 2021, I hired my own life coach and, honestly, this was the turning point for me.

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Great mindset, coaching shout out to Lovato. He has been with me on this journey for three years now and, honestly, is such a valuable resource to hire a coach, a mentor, where you can talk, breathe, be, and this is where I learned about tantric breath work. I learned particularly breath, breathwork, but particularly tantric breathwork, meaning how to awaken my creative life force, energy. I awaken this energy, this powerful creative life force, sexual energy. I faced my shame and trauma around my sexuality and and also faced how I used my body to connect to others, like I just told you, using sex to sex and intimacy, to feel that connection, to feel that deep connection I was craving, I was using my body to to do that and wondering why I didn't feel completely fulfilled by that, you know, and and deepening my personal development practice and going beyond the, the affirmations, the meditation, the yoga and the walks in nature yeah, like all of those things are great. I still do all of those things.

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It wasn't until I started to explore my own pussy with my own fingers and learning how to get myself wet and experience that divine union I was so deeply craving from the inside and these words pussy will be mentioned a lot on this podcast. Sex, intimacy, sacred self-pleasure like this is what we're going to be talking about. This is this divine union, inner union, that we are so deeply craving as humans. It starts from within and this was the turning point and this was all. This was self-pleasure, right, this was, you know, not just self-pleasure, but it was deep, internal sexual healing from me, coming from me. I was being guided in this. I was being guided in practices, but this was coming from myself. This was me sitting down with myself doing it. This was not with a partner. So that was the real turning point and I just need to take a breath. I feel like I just shared my, my pure truth there, saying that something had lifted out of my throat. As I shared that, so it's really powerful and, like I said, what we're going to be sharing you know more of on this podcast, and as I kept exploring my own sexual sexuality and sexual energy, my creativity exploded, my intuition deepened, I had a strong inner knowing that this is what I'm here for. This is my purpose to experience this divine inner union and eventually guide others to experience theirs. You know, and more than ever, I was listening to my body, more than ever, because it was bringing up so much for me and and all the creative possibilities it was at the.

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The first three months was horrendous and, honestly, I because you're facing the deep shame I had around my sexuality and it was, I just remember, crying so much and sitting in so much self-forgiveness around that as well, and within that, the depths of which I felt my pain was the depths of which I felt pleasure. Because I was feeling my pain so deeply, I was also feeling intense pleasure. I was at a point where I was sitting down and meditating, having these energy orgasms, like just because I was, because I was feeling so much, I was facing that shame, facing that the, the shame that I had around my sexuality, around expression and the fear that I had around expressing myself, my whole truth, sensually, sexually, and reclaiming my voice in that as well, when we reclaim our sexuality, we're also reclaiming our voice, and I allowed my body to scream. I felt my inner rage. I felt my deep sadness of abandoning myself all these years. I felt it all and because I was feeling it all, I was able to experience these intense internal orgasms, these energetic internal orgasms like like being fucked by the universe. Basically, that's what it felt, like some of the experiences I had. It felt like I was being fucked by the universe and I can't. I have to go and experience it. I want everyone to experience this and ultimately, it was me in my room with my fingers and some coconut oil right, and maybe a glass dildo, but really like the power is at the tips of our fingers, literally.

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And it was because of this, in April 2021, I decided to resign from the classroom and take another big leap of deep faith this was the most scariest one yet into the unknown and become self-employed as a freelance and I worked as a freelance tutor. I felt like that's what I was meant. That was the path for me, one to look after my own emotional health, because I was experiencing so much and so much coming up for me emotionally, I didn't have the capacity to bring myself to get to, to, to go into a classroom. You know, as a teacher, you're not just you're not just going into an office and sitting in a cubicle not to say that's not challenging, of course it is but, like as a teacher, you've you've got responsibility of many of that, of kids in your classroom, and they can their kids. As we know, kids are very energetically, energetically there and connected. So, you know, it was that, but also more than that, I felt like this is my path, this is what I'm here for to explore this explore, explore being like, being like more independent in, in my, in my work. And that was when my true, authentic creativity came out. It comes from you first, like what do you want to see more of in the world? What do you need right now? And what I needed in that time? This was, but by that time, you know, I resigned.

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April 2021, had some time, and then it was January 2022 that I decided to start Barcelona beach meditation. It was literally because I wanted a friend to come and meditate with me on the beach at sunrise in Barcelona in the morning, and I so I started a meetup group. I started a meetup group and eventually, over the course of two years, this meetup group grew from one to 600 plus people and it was the best thing that I've created and this is what I intend to create from this podcast, as well as a community, a community connection. This community that's about compassion, that's about creativity and and and, deepening our consciousness and experiencing that divine inner union from the inside and and then together, and in this time it was beautiful. It organically grew. This is where I made most of my connections.

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I just felt like this whole time I was being in divinely guided, opportunities were showing up in my lap, like my vagina, because I was literally attracting them. I manifested myself a private client, literally. I sat down and, in a sex magic practice, was like, okay, I need. I was in a position if I'm not a great financial position at all at this point of I need 300 euros more in my account to pay my rent, like I need this or to buy food you know, to buy food sat down, with the sex magic practice fell into this and because my energy was completely open, my heart was open, my energy was flowing, I was connected. 24 hours later I got. I was, I was receiving an invoice of 300 euros from a private, from a private client, private tutoring client. That's how powerful our sexual energy is. That's how powerful, like men and women, not just women, women, women, deep, more so, because we have a womb but also men as well. Right, and it was a beautiful time this is. I was feeling that I was creating true, authentic friendships and sharing the real me. And also we're nearly there. Thank you so much for being here and we're nearly there.

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This is where it gets deep into sexuality and exploring my own sexuality. And within this time, this is when, with a partner, a very trusted partner, I started to explore my own sexuality, sexuality and excited to explore being submissive and dominant, being submissive and being dominated. And again, this allowed me to fully open trust and surrender in sex with a man I deeply trusted, explored threesomes, I explored the power of central photo shoots in deepening self-love. I was embodying a true confidence and I learned also the importance of grounding in nature going for sunrise, beach swims, feeling the sea, feeling mother earth, going on evening mountain hikes. And alongside this, I continue with one-to-one life coaching whilst training, whilst and then whilst training as a life coach myself, and that, I believe, is key to be an authentic coach. True coaches always have their own coach and I trained with Jay Shetty Jay Shetty's certification school highly recommend. If you want more information on it, let me know.

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But, yeah, me training as a life coach because I wanted to support, to support other women in this, in their own self-love and empowerment journey. I know that I had. I, you know I do want to get deeper training in terms of to support women more deeply in terms of sexuality and I feel like I I'm in the process of embodying that more myself right now, but in terms of self-love and empowerment, like this was the path. So I trained as a, as a Jay Shetty coach, and graduated in March 2022. And, yeah, helping women and I had wonderful clients, helping women with their own self-love journeys, empowerment and exploring their connection to their sensuality, and I'm so grateful for it. I loved it and I will bring back that container very soon in August 2023 is when it gets super sensual and sexy. This is when I found Skirt Club. Skirt Club is a private members community for bi curious and bisexual women and they host events all the way around the world. And again, I actually found Skirt Club through my best friend August 2023.

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She was also in a in a time that of exploring her own, her own sexuality and and things as well. And we went, we went together and I was in my element. Honestly, I, it was a time that I I remember feeling we went to an event in London and it was I just felt so free, I felt like I could be me, I felt completely everyone's there for the same reason and also there's something so special about being in a room of women women, it's women only and bringing women together like that, oh, I can't hope, like they have we have. There was so much understanding of each other and sensuality. It was deeply sensual. It wasn't, of course, it was a lot about the sex, yes, but it was very sensual and lots of sensuality and understanding and fulfilling these desires right, these desires that you can only dream about. Like I was on a bed with one woman and then two women, three women, four women, five women being tied up, being locked in a cave, all the things go and experience an event um, tag, scare club, okay, here.

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So now, after all this exploration, going back to Barcelona, I have got to a point in Barcelona where I was like I really need to. My body was calling for deep grounding in nature. Deep grounding in nature. So I listened, because I'm so connected to my body more I trusted it instantly. I decided to leave Barcelona and move to Menorca in September 2023. And this is when I grounded everything awake. I became more like, awakened to these higher visions that I was having, and this is when the poetry started to come through and more and a concise way of communicating and and really leaning into my own creativity and and harnessing that as a powerful message and, you know, leaning into to creative empowerment and and, yeah, getting a message out concisely that feels aligned with me.

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And in January 2024 of this year is when I hired, I changed my coach, my mentor, to a woman. I I again, because I felt I needed a woman's support, and so this is when I'm now working with the wild femme, charlotte Little also tag her, shout out. We worked together for one month in January and it was here where I allowed my true voice and raw expression, particularly through writing poetry and bringing together sensuality and sexuality, bringing that all together, you know, and also coming back to that inner child as well. You know, and also coming back to that inner child as well. I've done a lot of work on, on the relationship of the inner child and reparenting inner child with you know, through the past few years and coming back to her and coming back to the fact that she always loved writing since she was a little girl, the little inner child, I never, I never, enjoyed writing long novels, so I thought it wasn't for me.

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I thought, well, I don't enjoy writing like a full-on story, like I just want to write a little bit, and I just didn't think it was for me. At school, I loved, I love songwriting, I loved drama and production and performing, and when I found out about spoken word poetry, that was like a guiding light for me. Do that, this, do this, explore this? So this is where I'm at now. You know, I've just just started posting spoken word poetry on Instagram. I haven't yet performed. I would love to perform. I've just found a.

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I completed a poetry writing workshop back in April this year, april 2024. And I loved it. Connecting to like connecting a writing community, and this is why I love poetry. It's so raw and particularly spoken word poetry in its free form, it's the oldest form of communication there is. You know. It's performed in rituals and ceremonies, so it it feels like I'm going way back to ancestral roots and and yeah, so my coming back to now, like, well, january, my main intention for this year, at least this year is relationships, and it's been all about relationships for me this year healing relationships, creating true, authentic relationships, working more deeply on the relationship with myself, taking action with that, and, yeah, and then I felt like I was I'm in at this point, living in Menorca for five months, you know, feeling grounded. I started, I start, I went to, I started going to pole dance classes as well, which was really fun, and feeling more grounded and feeling like, yeah, I could stay here. You know, I was creating friendships.

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However, that little inner, subtle voice rose up again. Here we go, another dive deep into the unknown. There's a pattern here, right? That little inner voice was saying go and live with your parents, go and spend some time with your parents actually a long, extended period of time and that I resisted initially, but I did it, I followed it. So I went to live with my parents for three months and you know what they say if you think you're enlightened, go and live with your family for a week. That's what I did. I did for three months and it's very humbling. It's very humbling and, honestly, the work that I had done with my own inner child, like I said, reparenting inner child, healing the abandoned wound, letting go of the shame I was carrying and taking full ownership of my own emotions and inner world. This was being reflected in the relationship with my parents, particularly with my mum, which is really interesting, right, because lots of the the work that I had done in the past few years is on my own relationship to my feminine energy, to my feminine nature, to feminine embodiment, and this was reflected in relationship with my mom. There was more understanding, more compassion, more connection, more love.

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The relationship with my dad still working on, but this is exactly where I am now bringing up to present day, bringing you to now with me thank you so much for listening to this still and the relationship, the relationship with my own inner masculine energy, is what I'm working on now. It's where I'm at meaning the masculine energy, the masculine, and what is that? The masculine energy is decisive, confident, compassionate, active, focused, giving, assertive, stable. This is the energy I'm calling in. This is where I'm now embodying my own inner divine, masculine energy to support the feminine energy more deeply. We need to harmonize these energies. It's not about balancing it. We all have a different, like a level of masculine, feminine energy in us. It's finding our true harmony of those energies and my feminine energy is bursting to rise to, you know, deepen, deepen. But it needs that masculine energy to rise up and support her and hold her and see her right.

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So, starting from within my intention, like I said, relationships, and right now I don't have my community around me. I'm completely in this transitionary moment in my life again, where I don't have my community. I let go of my friendships that I'd made in Menorca, in Barcelona, you know, in Hong Kong, thailand. I do still keep in contact with some of these people, but you know, just, naturally it's challenging. Everyone has their lives, you know. So I don't have my community.

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Now I'm creating this like where do I want to be? I'm asking myself the questions what do I truly want? What type of environment do I want to be and where do I want to put my roots down? So, to support myself in this process, and financially as well, because my tutoring it's offered me financial stability for these past three years, which I'm so grateful for, but right now it's not serving me. It's not serving me financially. It's not serving me in that respect and I'm don't feel right now called to offer coaching services and things like. I'm very much let's, let's sort out me, let's focus on, on creating this home within me first and go from there. So I felt called to go back into the classroom to help to still continue while still pursuing my own creative projects podcasts, writing, poetry, you know. Eventually, groups, group coaching and creating community around this podcast.

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Like I said, creating writing, you know, writing communities to help other teachers particularly, you know, pursue their creative projects and connect to their bodies and sensuality and sexuality. Right, we all need that. That's what I'm envisioning. It starts with me. It starts with me doing that, doing that with myself right, getting myself back in the classroom, getting myself back into that environment, whilst still embodying everything that I have experienced these past three years. And that is the challenge. It's an exciting challenge. I want to enjoy it. So right now, I'm currently living with my best friend in Suffolk. I'm so grateful to be spending the summer having quality time with my 89 year old Nana who, by the way, is such an inspiration. She goes to the gym 89 years old, has a personal trainer and she lives on her own like she's amazing my Nana anyway.

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I was applying for teaching jobs all over the world, but it wasn't intentional. Like, what am I doing? I needed to. I realized I needed to take my power back. I need to take my power back and decide where do I want to be, where is my body calling me to go? And that answer is Costa Rica. My body. That has come up for me.

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When I first decided to to go and live and teach abroad, I remember very vividly sitting there with I'm going with Teflheaven, the same company that I went to Thailand with initially, and because they they're a great company, really recommend them. I'll tag them also and and they support you in in getting a placement and and also they support you socially as well. One of the best things about tefl heaven tefl heaven is that they provide a community as well. So in this case, I'm not. Before, when I went to thailand, I did a month training to get the tefl certificate, teaching english, but I've already got that now. Um, so I've spending a week with uh orientation, a week and then having a job placement. And costa rica, costa rica again. This is where my intuition and intuition leads. It doesn't make logical sense for me to go to Costa Rica halfway around the world again, but intuitively guided by my body, because I remember, like I said, I remember sitting 2016,.

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When I decided to move abroad, it was between Costa Rica and Thailand. I remember sitting there with both of those program brochures on the screen and I just remember go to Thailand. A little voice, that subtle inner voice, saying go to Thailand, you will go to Costa Rica. Just not now, not now Go to Thailand. So I did. And here we are. What? Eight years later, years later, eight years. It's been eight years since that decision to move and live and teach abroad. Eight years.

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We're going to Costa Rica on August, the 17th, 2024. I don't have a job lined up. I'm in the process of of getting all of that together, being interviewed and yeah, and they'll. Like I said, tefl Heaven if you wanted to get support in living and teaching abroad and not go straight into an international school. Because I was a qualified teacher, right, like I could have gone straight into an international school, but I decided to go with Tefl Heaven because I wanted to change to, to be honest, from international school teaching and you know, and it just helps, like with that. It's just great, I just love it. So that's what I'm doing.

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August the 17th, we're flying to Costa Rica and I'm so grateful for it all. If I don't, honestly, if I die tomorrow, I'll be be happy and that's when I truly know and live in alignment with my soul's truth. You know, obviously I'd you know I've got so much more that I want to do and I want to experience and and see and and do and accomplish. But I will be happy, like always, come back to gratitude, grateful for all those challenges, those the times crying on the floor, and this is where true growth happens.

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The biggest lesson in all of this is the power of deep self-love, the power of slowing down and connecting to the wisdom of our body, following her joy, grounding in nature, becoming one with nature. The power of sensual embodiment, sensual photo shoots, creative sexual empowerment, the power of play and curiosity, always remaining curious, not judging our emotions, always remaining curious, not judging our emotions, going deep internally into our womb with our fingers holding space for ourself. And you know, I had a coach through all of this. But this is important message ultimately it's up to you, it's up to me. I am the only one that can heal myself. You are the only one that can heal yourself. Empower yourself, whatever help yourself I don't like the word healing more like reclaiming yourself. You're the only one that can reclaim yourself. You're the only one that can empower yourself. We can get guidance, we can get support in this through our relationships, through coaches, through mentors, but ultimately it's up to us and it's our responsibility, and that is where the power lies. If you listen to the poem, this is why the trailer is the power to choose, because that's where our power lies not blaming other others and how I feel, creating that feeling inside of myself.

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First, being in a relationship, in a monogamous relationship at least. Being in a relationship is a three-way relationship, right? The relationship with ourself, the relationship with our partner and relationship that partner has with him or herself, feeling through all the darkness and, on the other side, that light being, that light of your own divine goodness. You know it's always there. Remember that, always. Remember in those darkest moments where that light seems so dim, remember that divine light is always there. It's always there and you are who you've been looking for. I am who I've been looking for, and let's celebrate ourselves in the process and be kind to ourself in the process and say yes to it all, even if it's the most challenging thing we've ever done.

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Acceptance of everything. This is what tantra is about, which I'm is I'm exploring. This is a. This is my path, the tantric path, exploring that deep acceptance of all, saying yes to everything, that deep being fully alive. I want to experience this small life we get to live on this planet, isn't it beautiful? And I'm excited to be here with you. I'm excited where this will take me, leading with love my own love, compassion, play and joy, and I'm so, so grateful to be on this journey with you.

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Honestly, thank you so much for listening to the end of this episode. If you've listened to all of this episode all the way through, message me with the word joy. Message me with the word joy to let me know that you've listened to this episode all the way through. And come and connect, come and say hi. I'd love to hear your story, what you resonated with, what you're curious about, what you want to learn more about. Ask me some questions. You know I'll ask you questions like let's get to know each other and let's be on this journey together. I'm so grateful. Let's trust, breathe and believe and create magic together. Trust, breathe and believe and create magic together. Thank you so much for listening in. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend or post it on social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping to get the message out. I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you. Talk to you soon.